The Almost Moon and Lucky by Alice Sebold, Speak (which had a movie based on it, starring Kristen Stewart), and now I'm working on reading The Vampire Diaries series. I'm not a huge vampire fan or anything, but I figure since I saw a few episodes of the TV show and it seemed pretty cool, I'll give it a try. I have about about 20 books lately, and I'm making really good use out of them so far :) The more I read, the more busy my life feels and the more I feel that I'm accomplishing something, it's nice. I also feel a lot more creative and I think if I continue reading this much, writing a book is going to be so easy for me. I get lost in these books, and the world becomes real. I love how books do what a movie can't, they make you picture things for yourself, guess what people look like etc. It's really interesting. I can read for hours and not even realize how long it's been. It's a really great feeling. I keep thinking, if I'm ever so old that I can't do much of anything, I'll at least have to read so my life will seem more interesting!
Chris is passed out and I really should be too. I'm always the last person to wake up in the morning and the last person to go to bed at night, it's always been that way. I remember always hating that when I was a kid. I don't like being alone and when I'm the only person awake, I feel alone. I remember crying (sometimes I still do it) because everyone was sleeping. I guess I felt unsafe or something; like something bad was going to happen but no one would notice but me. I'm not sure exactly. It's just another one of my childhood fears I guess.
So anyway, I'm not too sure what to say lol. I'm just really inspired and wish that sleeping wasn't required lol. I would love to just read and write for days at a time.. maybe that makes me a real artist? LOL. Either that or crazy, right?! haha.
My mom is talking about visiting, and I don't know if I want to see her. Last time I saw her, things didn't exactly go as planned. I ended up freaking out and making a huge mess of her house because she was drunk in front of my younger siblings, after their dad clearly told her she couldn't do that. I'm scared to see her, because she has this strange power over me, and I hate to admit it, but it's true. She makes me feel like a little child just by looking me in the eyes. I can't stand up to her. Okay, I should rephrase that; I choose not to stand up to her because I'm too scared. Scared of what? I'm not sure.
Sometimes I feel like it would be good for me to go back to therapy, not like I'm unhappy or anything, but just because it would be nice to have someone sit there and listen to all of this. I guess that's why I'm writing this.. it's like free therapy! :)
Well, Imma try to sleep or maybe read more.. who knows.
Later!
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