Okay, so I was just at my dad's house for like two hours because we were watching a movie together and I just couldn't stand being there. I had to go home. It's so strange knowing my granmda died there, that the house is being emptied out. I guess I never thought too much about how it would feel to not be allowed back in the house again. It's going to feel so strange, seeing another family in the house. I have tons and tons of pictures and videos of the house and everything, but it's not the same.
A part of me wishes I could buy the house myself but in all honesty, I know that doing that would just cause more pain. I'm sure grandma wouldn't want that. I'm not sure I could handle living in the house where she died. It's disgusting to me that no matter how hard I try, it always crosses my mind, I can still see her lying there, lifeless even before she was dead.
Sorry, I'm not trying to be all depressing or anything.. it's just so hard. I miss her and wish I could cry but the tears just won't come out. I miss her so much. I wish I could have her again. I want her with me.
Anyway, I dunno what else to say so I think I'm going to pass out for the night.
Thanks for reading :), it means a lot to me!
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